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Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents, by Nina W Brown EdD LPC
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Being a parent is usually all about giving of yourself to foster your child's growth and development. But what happens when this isn't the case? Some parents dismiss the needs of their children, asserting their own instead, demanding attention and reassurance from even very young children. This may especially be the case when a parent has narcissistic tendencies or narcissistic personality disorder. From the author of Working with the Self-Absorbed and Loving the Self-Absorbed, this major revision of a self-help classic offers a step-by-step approach to resolving conflict and building a meaningful relationship with a narcissistic parent.
Children of the Self-Absorbed offers clear definitions of narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder to help you identify the extent of your parent's problem. You'll learn the different types of destructive narcissism and how to recognize their effects on relationships. With the aid of proven techniques, you'll discover that you're not helpless against your parent's behavior and that you needn't consider giving up on the relationship. Instead, realistic strategies and steps are suggested for learning to set mutually agreed upon behaviors that can help you fulfill your needs and expectations.
- Sales Rank: #32638 in Books
- Brand: Brand: New Harbinger Publications
- Published on: 2008-04-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.75" h x 6.00" w x .50" l, .78 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 264 pages
- Used Book in Good Condition
Review
"For those of us who have often suffered the inevitable humiliating regression back to childhood during every holiday with the family…this book offers real help to the reader to develop the self-protective art of indifference, a cloak that can be used at many a holiday gathering…and to understand the subtle yet profound differences between ineffective and effective confrontation, empathy and sympathy, and attaching response and defusing strategy…a completely new cupboard of techniques."
—Joel C. Frost, Ed.D., assistant clinical professor of psychology in the Department of Psychology at Harvard Medical School
"Children of the Self-Absorbed offers practical advice and guidance. The creative techniques and exercises are priceless to both the reader learning how to identify destructive parental behaviors and how to cope with them as well as the reader learning to nurture and protect his or her own developing self."
—Susan Hopper, Ph.D., clinical psychologist in private practice in St. Louis, MO
"Children of narcissistic parents are provided techniques to dig themselves out of impossible relationships with their parents…a thoroughly well thought out, useful manual to help adult children move toward more productive connection to their narcissistic parents, to themselves, and to others."
—Joan Medway, Ph.D., LCSW, psychologist in private practice in Potomac, MD
From the Publisher
A second edition of a self-help classic, Children of the Self-Absorbed offers the adult children of narcissistic parents the means to understand and cope with the behaviors and attitudes of their mothers and/or fathers while still meeting their own needs.
From the Back Cover
Being a parent is usually all about giving of yourself to foster your child's growth and development. But what happens when this isn't the case? Some parents dismiss the needs of their children, asserting their own instead, demanding attention and reassurance from even very young children. This may especially be the case when a parent has narcissistic tendencies or narcissistic personality disorder. From the author of Working with the Self-Absorbed and Loving the Self-Absorbed, this major revision of a self-help classic offers a step-by-step approach to resolving conflict and building a meaningful relationship with a narcissistic parent.
Children of the Self-Absorbed offers clear definitions of narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder to help you identify the extent of your parent's problem. You'll learn the different types of destructive narcissism and how to recognize their effects on relationships. With the aid of proven techniques, you'll discover that you're not helpless against your parent's behavior and that you needn't consider giving up on the relationship. Instead, realistic strategies and steps are suggested for learning to set mutually agreed upon behaviors that can help you fulfill your needs and expectations.
Most helpful customer reviews
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
A very Difficult ,but Brutally insightful Read, expect the unexpected while learning how Your Life was never yours.
By Jody
I am still reading this very honest look into the Personality disorder that my mother has which she will never admit too.This is a very slow, insidious realization(like the disorder as well) that I am not the imperfect or crazy person I was always lead to believe.You want to think "It is ME causing such stress for my mother" because you are told this over and over but in between if you somehow become the person she wants you to be you are rewarded, though often told many times later you are reminded how ungrateful you are for not appreciating gifts or celebrations that happened over 20 years ago that one would do easily for a child.This author , Nina W. Brown, has such a great approach to walking you through the results of being an adult child of a parent with This Personality Disorder that it is difficult to read, but imperative for your growth. The author makes sure you do not move on to the next chapter with a test from the previous one .You will Learn so much! Expect to remember things you may have repressed.Expect to cry, a lot.Expect to read part of the first chapter , have a realization and put the book down. Expect YOU WILL be ready someday to pick the book up and read it.Expect an emotional roller-coaster. Expect you find that hope after you have learned enough to work this educational book through! Thanking you in advance Nina W. Brown.
11 of 11 people found the following review helpful.
good, but books alone are not enough
By heart and soul
i bought this book years ago and recently reread it, and i got much more from it for the intervening years of therapy that i pursued. i have dozens of these kinds of books, and i recognize the great value of bibliotherapy; but i sincerely believe that one needs real face-to-face, consistent loving help--it could be from a caring friend, mate, or other relative--, because given the destruction that narcissistic parents leave in their wake, the damage to their children is not easily undone. the beliefs and behavioral patterns of growing up with these people sink deep roots. and since the resulting damage to personality comes from horrific parenting, some new sort of markedly contrasting interaction--preferably re-parenting with an empathic therapist--needs to be internalized and developed. family systems work in concert, and that's where an outsider, a good therapist, is of immeasurable worth. if you've got two such parents, it's likely your personality has tell-tale wreckage, and you'll have all the more need for real human intervention to heal and integrate. that's always the bitch: these are generational problems passed down through families--it's true, your parents are probably victims, too--, and though you may have been the one to suffer, still, most likely, quite unconsciously, you in turn will make others suffer as well. this book recognizes and treads gently toward this truth. i find the book has pretty good evaluative materials as well as some good strategies for dealing with these people, and it's one of the better books that targets this particular problem. still, as at least one other reviewer said, sometimes you must just leave--leave! these people are toxic, it's heartbreaking, but your survival is at issue. that's when choosing to work with a caring therapist would be of the utmost benefit. i speak from experience. it can be a long but rewarding road. approach it with humility.
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
As the once scapegoated daughter of a narcissistic mother this ...
By BizyLizy
As the once scapegoated daughter of a narcissistic mother this book helped extremely in understanding my past and helping me to gain freedom from the shackles of a dysfunctional and toxic family. My husband is also reading it and gaining insights into his past relationship with his mother who is also rather self-absorbed. You can come to a place of peace if you search for answers and ask for help from professionals (check them out and make sure they are empathetic and not narcissistic themselves!) when you find yourself stuck.
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